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The pigeons! The pigeons!

September 26th, 2006

It’s always when I least expect it that the crazies strike.

Standing in line with my can of wild diet cherry Pepsi and vanilla Pria bar in the crowded mini-mart at UC, I was thinking of peppermint pigs and alpacas when the man behind me cleared his throat.

Excuse me,” he said, and then in the same intonation as if he were asking me the weather. “Have you ever seen a flock of pigeons that think they can scare you?

I turned around, coming face-to-face with a rather sporty looking guy, perhaps in his mid-20s or so. Wearing a UC Bearcats shirt and hat, he looked very much like the kind of boy I’d normally avoid and who’d normally avoid me: the Bearcat rah rah tootin’ frat boy whose greatest accomplishment is that he can bong a beer in 30 seconds.

At a loss for what to say in this situation I nodded and smiled, mentally granting him the label “creepy guy.” I suppose I, too, have earned an equally unfortunate label many times in the past and so feigned mild interest.

“No,” I said. “Have you??

“Yeah,” he nodded, his eyes growing wide. He stepped closer towards me with a very serious look on his face.

“In Dayton. A bunch of em’ swooped down. It was like The Birds or something,” he said and laughed haltingly.

After a chaotic day at the office coupled with a feminist theory class, my mind was as sharp as a tack dragged along the asphalt for a few miles. I was still digesting the image of attack pigeons when he went on.

“I swear,” he continued. “I think every mean person in Cincinnati is reincarnated as a pigeon.”

I briefly considered engaging him in further conversation about killer reincarnated pigeons, but my freak radar blipped furiously and I held my tongue. After having learned (painfully in some instances) to start taking subtle warnings from the cosmos, I yanked in my conversation welcome mat and stepped up to the counter to pay.

Creepy guy continued muttering as I began walking away and I felt an obligation to offer a conclusion to the weird passage I had costarred in.

“Umm… Beware of the pigeons,” I called.

“Yeah,” he said, with a toothy grin. “You too.”


One Response to “The pigeons! The pigeons!”

  1. Happiness at the Home Depot » The-F-Word.org on May 2, 2008 3:38 pm

    […] especially now that we ourselves enjoy the many economic and legal benefits of wedded bliss. I am a magnet for weird folk; really, I could dedicate a whole blog to the odd and eclectic people who manage to find me. So, […]

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