Baby Chase has received enough shoes to rival any well-dressed woman and David and Amber’s registry has now been officially exhausted. But nothing beats the bestest gift of all, compliments of yours truly and Cafepress.

“Umm,” I hesitated, anticipating the wide-eyed look that was sure to follow. “Sebastian and Sydney make six and then I have a foster kitty. It’s like a feline Brady Bunch.” I omitted mention of the four neighborhood cats who’ve laid claim to our front porch.

The eyes widened, but only slightly. I would find out later that she has her own fair share of furbabies, and recently rescued the momma cat and kittens left by her neighbors when they moved to Florida. There is a shared understanding among suckers for a furry face in that we are all patients in the same mental ward.

“So, who are you with?” she asked.

“Who am I with?” I asked, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I mean, which rescue organization are you with?” she replied.

“I’m not,” I said, with a laugh. “Oh, no, the craziness is all mine.”

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Meet Sebastian and Sydney, and foster kitty Nigel (who we’ll also probably end up keeping)

A few observations from our trip:

• Where there is roadside adult bookstore, there is a “Jesus Saves” billboard
• “Blazin’ Rectum” is probably not the best of varieties with which to market barbecue sauce
• The number of churches, Wal-Marts and fried chicken establishments increase proportionately the further south you travel.
• A dinner of French toast, fried okra and French fries really doesn’t sound so odd when you’re vegetarian, extremely hungry and Cracker Barrel is the only semi-veg-friendly restaurant around for 40 miles.
• When going on a guided two-hour, two-mile cave tour 350-feet below ground and with eight flights of stairs, position yourself in line as far away from children as possible.
• Small children should be required to wear diapers in hotel swimming pools for risk of a one-day pool closure due to an “accident.”
• Stray cats find me even when I’m on vacation.

Photo highlights of our trip follow after the jump.

Our trip began with a tour of the Shaker Village, just south of Lexington, Ky. and near Harrodsburg, the first settlement of the Bluegrass state. I’ve been intrigued by the Shakers since watching a documentary on them years ago. Although popular in the U.S. during the early- to mid-1800s, the Shakers were surprisingly progressive in terms of women’s rights. Shakerism was founded by Mother Ann Lee, who claimed to be the second coming of Christ, and both men and women were treated as equals. It’s just too bad those crazy Shakers also believed in abstinence, thus cementing their community’s eventual decline. There were at least 11 communal Shaker settlements in the U.S. and the Pleasant Hill site we toured is one of the most remarkably preserved.

After spending two days there, we headed for Mammoth Cave, Ky., the world’s longest cave system with more than 360 known miles. But before reaching the caves, we made a side-trip to Perryville, where some 60,000 Union and Confederate troops duked it out in October, 1862. Nearly 8,000 men lost their lives here and the battle, also known as the “Battle for Kentucky,” proved crucial in that it ensured Kentucky would not go to the rebels. It’s also Kentucky’s largest battlefield, a tidbit we learned after tromping around for two hours in the sticky Kentucky heat.

After arriving at Mammoth Cave, we went on a two-mile, two-hour guided tour of the cave system, which was one of, if not the most, awesome works of nature I’ve ever seen. The cave is pitch-black when the lights are turned off and only dimly-lit when on and considering that our tour included about a 100 people, I wasn’t able to get any good interior shots. I was able to snap this shot of “historic graffiti” made by candle smoke before the stampede behind me caught up.

From Mammoth Cave we headed for Nashville. We’ve visited Nashville twice before in the past few years and it’s not because we’re country music lovers (we like old country, but not this new pop-country). On one of our previous trips to Music City, we accidentally discovered the world’s most perfect pizza in an appropriately named chain called Pizza Perfect. Before we gorged ourselves on pizza, we toured the Belle Meade plantation (below), once a 5,200-acre slave-holding estate, followed by a comedy show with Michael McDonald (“Stuart” from Mad TV) later that night.

We did briefly drive through downtown Nashville and spent some time at a riverside park by the Titans stadium, but most of our brief Nashville trip was actually spent in Franklin, Tenn. about a half-hour south of Nashville. There we toured the site of the Battle of Franklin, which took place four months before the South’s surrrender at Appomatox, and the nearby Carnton plantation, which was commandeered for use as a hospital. Nearly 10,000 men died at Franklin and it was said that every room and bed in the house was in use, and dead, dying or wounded men lined the front and back yard like cordwood. Blood stains can still be seen in several rooms in the house. The McGavock family, who owned Carnton, donated two acres of their land to bury nearly 1,500 Confederate soldiers in a private cemetary there. Carrie McGavock tended the cemetery for nearly 40 years until her death in 1905.

In all, the trip was a great way to celebrate our second wedding anniversary

- It always promises to be an interesting class when the prof admits she’s hung over.

- The city once known as Porkopolis is now encouraging residents to eat, well, less pork (and other meat).

- If you park on the sidewalk, Newport Police will ticket you.

- Bunnies love cherry-flavored pediatric medicine.

- RuPaul out of drag (and wearing glasses) looks a lot like Cincinnati Mayor Mark Malllory.

Feline fixation the night I brought him home. Now he’s just like a piece of the furniture to most of them, except for Chloe. She’s his new best friend.

Strapping on an air tank

Me vandalizing a car

Me and co-reporter Shauna (I’m on the right) using the jaws of life to cut apart a car. The spreader tool weighs 75 pounds!

Better angle shot of us using the spread tool to pop open the rear door

The result? A new convertible!

Because nobody looks good after sweltering in too-big thermal turnout gear for three hours.

I was the only one of our group to have even an iota of experience in this kind of work. I was in two Fire Explorer groups as a teen, where I got to legally help burn down houses and scale the sides of buildings. I had my own turnout gear and regularly rode with local departments and later, after getting my EMT certification, with Cincinnati. So, when our firefighter instructors would call for volunteers, I’d look around, see everyone shuffling their feet in hesitation, and then raise my hand like an overeager Boy Scout.

The academy was made especially poignant by the department hosting it, Colerain Township. As locals will remember, the department lost two of its own earlier this year in a house fire. The whole morning really reminded me of how much I miss the whole firehouse culture and EMS work. When I finally finish my master’s degree (hopefully in June of next year), I’d like to become recertified again and begin volunteering with some local departments.

Yeah… crackpot emails generally don’t work, but they are even less effective when you send them to a reporter who’s also one of those Buddhists.

Despite Esquire magazine’s declaration in 1957 of Newport as “the most wicked city in America,” the city today is surprisingly conservative. The Committee of 500, a team of religious do-gooders, first set siege on the “Sin City” in the 1960s, declaring war on the city’s gambling, vice and prostitution bosses – for more on the city’s history, go here. By the time Brandon and I both moved here, much of the evidence of Newport’s illustrious past had disappeared, existing largely today in the memories of local old-timers who recalled the city’s heydays with equal parts nostalgia and censure.

The East Row Historic District sits comfortably at the foot of what is called Mansion Hill – the mansion in reference is the Wiedemann Hill Mansion, which was built for beer baron heir Charles Wiedemann in 1894. The area became a favorite of wealthy business owners and merchants in the late 1800s and its financial demographic hasn’t much changed since. Still considered one of the most prestigious and expensive areas of the city, stately Italianate and Queen Anne style homes mingle along tree-lined streets with many boasting impressive (and professionally designed) back-yard gardens. Here are a few highlights from them and our tour:

More photos are available on our online photo gallery here.

1. Answer the survey question and then look up your answer on www.urbandictionary.com and paste one of the definitions found there along with your answer.

2. Post it on your blog and include illustrations if you like.

3. Link to the person who tagged you and tag more blogs if you feel so inclined.

Here’s mine:

1) Your name?: Rachel.

“A smart, sassy and sexy young woman who knows things from fashion to film to literature, from Manolo Blahniks to Mahatma Gandhi. She impressed everybody in the meeting. She’s such a Rachel.”

2) How old are you: 29

“29 is akin to, in the words of most, “Humping a Humpback whale. The 2 from sideways looks like a whale’s hump and tail, hence the whale part, and the 9 is you. 29 resembles you humping a whale. It is a strange new thing that is catching on rapidly.”

3) One of your friends?: Lisa

“A very attractive kind of the female gender who has a sultry gaze and a great figure. Lisas are usually attracted to common types of carbohydrates and will devour them vigorously if let loose without caution. Extremely attractive.”

4) Where will your next vacation be?: Hocking Hills (for our one-year anniversary in July). Hocking Hills wasn’t in the dictionary, so I typed in “woods” instead.

“Incarceration Term-Used to describe whites in prison/jail. Short for peckerwood, a derogatory term used to portray dumb white boys. Much like redneck.”

5) Favorite Food?: Veggie Samosa

“Indian savory pastries filled with curry, generally potato curry. Quite possibly the most perfect things ever created by humankind, they are a treat for all occasions and a cure for all ills. Well, except violent gastrointestinal upset due to overconsumption, and we won’t do that again now will we? Needless to say, they’re radtastic.”

6) Hometown? Milford

“a collection or gathering of attractive young to middle age mothers who guys want to bone.”

7) Word to describe yourself?: Creative

“What teachers call you when they don’t want to say you are a dumbass.”

8 ) Car you drive?: Sedan

“Town in (North)Eastern France were France got pwned badly by Germany on September 1st 1870.”

9) Last person you talked to on the phone?: Contractor

“Someone who doesn’t have the skills or talent to hold down a permanent job. They are inherently lazy and sneaky.”

10) Your occupation?: Reporter

“The “Reporter” (n) A Gordita combo meal from Taco Bell. Just as a firecracker has a report, so too does the Taco Bell Gordita. If you have it for lunch, the report will occur around 3 o’clock. In other words, you will have to pinch a loaf shortly after eating it. The “Report” time varies per person.”

I am tagging Ottermatic, Lisa, Deniselle, Lindsay and Thoughtracer.