* How to Prepare the Perfect Sumptuous Thanksgiving Bounty with All The Trimmings

* How to Avoid Going Berserk and Attacking Your Annoying Relatives and In-Laws with a Carving Knife

* How Not to Eat a Bazillion Calories and Subsequently Watch Your Ass Double in Size

* Why, Two Decades After Second-Wave Feminism, Women Still Slave Away in the Kitchen While Men Get to Sit on Their Asses and Watch Football All Day

* Or, the most popular of subjects: Feeling All Thankful and Shit

I’m generally not the kind of person to make a maudlin list of things I’m thankful for, but it does seem to be the obligatory Thanksgiving cliche, so I’ll bite. It goes without saying, of course, that I’m thankful for my friends and family, good (mental and physical) health and that I live in a country where I am free to make such sappy and mushy posts like this one. So, here goes a list of 10 random things I am thankful for:

A job

Considering all the layoffs this year, especially in my field of journalism, I am so grateful that I am still gainfully employed in a job that, for the most part, I love and doesn’t keep my ass confined in cubicle hell.

The Internet

I am so, so glad Al Gore invented this, because how else could I waste time when I should be working than by playing Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook? The Internet also gives me the power to work from home, the opportunity to pursue my passions and hobbies, a soapbox by which I can unleash all my innermost rants and raves and allows me to cheaply indulge my book-buying compulsions. But most of all, it’s allowed me to meet so many awesome people — not to mention, my husband — and to discover and read dozens of smart, witty bloggers. Thanks, Al!

My furbabies

My kitties give me so much and all they ask for in return are food (preferably canned), shelter and the occasional rub behind the ears. I am so grateful for them, as well as the chance to open our home this year to two more unwanted kittens and one traumatized cat.

Morningstar Farms

Seriously, because I think we’d be reduced to eating peanut butter and jelly most days if not for its easy-to-fix line of faux meat products.

Dark chocolate, avocados, eggs, coffee, peanut butter, sunshine

And everything else “experts” warned us were harmful that have turned out to be good for us, after all.

My brother and sister-in-law’s poor planning

Their admitted carelessness means that I’ll be getting a new (and our family’s first) nephew in December! I am so very grateful for the chance to mold little Chase into a Bruce Cockburn-loving, tree-hugging, feminist, vegetarian, lefty Pittsburgh Steeler’s fan.

Having a great stylist on speed dial

My prematurely-bald husband simply doesn’t understand how a good or bad hair day can set the tone for the entire day. Yay for a stylist who knows how to cut short hair well!

Netflix and my DVR

I am grateful for Netflix for how else could I wile away the weekends catching up on the entire 11 seasons of Law & Order: SVU on demand? And to my DVR, for allowing me to mercifully fast forward through those god-awful Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem TV commercials.

Bruce Cockburn

And his 28 (29?) albums that have managed to both sooth and preserve my sanity all these years.

Adderall (and a good prescription health care plan)

Since going on Adderall for ADD a couple years ago, I now no longer have to embark on a daily hunt for my car keys (and other misplaced items) and have managed to actually finish a few projects through to completion. Hurrah for legal amphetamines!

Baby Chase has received enough shoes to rival any well-dressed woman and David and Amber’s registry has now been officially exhausted. But nothing beats the bestest gift of all, compliments of yours truly and Cafepress.

“Umm,” I hesitated, anticipating the wide-eyed look that was sure to follow. “Sebastian and Sydney make six and then I have a foster kitty. It’s like a feline Brady Bunch.” I omitted mention of the four neighborhood cats who’ve laid claim to our front porch.

The eyes widened, but only slightly. I would find out later that she has her own fair share of furbabies, and recently rescued the momma cat and kittens left by her neighbors when they moved to Florida. There is a shared understanding among suckers for a furry face in that we are all patients in the same mental ward.

“So, who are you with?” she asked.

“Who am I with?” I asked, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I mean, which rescue organization are you with?” she replied.

“I’m not,” I said, with a laugh. “Oh, no, the craziness is all mine.”

—————————————————————-

Meet Sebastian and Sydney, and foster kitty Nigel (who we’ll also probably end up keeping)

Note to self: Next time bring a tripod.

Columbia-Tusculum:

Odd emails call for odd replies, so I wrote back: “Emasculate your cat, of course” and attached this picture.

A few observations from our trip:

• Where there is roadside adult bookstore, there is a “Jesus Saves” billboard
• “Blazin’ Rectum” is probably not the best of varieties with which to market barbecue sauce
• The number of churches, Wal-Marts and fried chicken establishments increase proportionately the further south you travel.
• A dinner of French toast, fried okra and French fries really doesn’t sound so odd when you’re vegetarian, extremely hungry and Cracker Barrel is the only semi-veg-friendly restaurant around for 40 miles.
• When going on a guided two-hour, two-mile cave tour 350-feet below ground and with eight flights of stairs, position yourself in line as far away from children as possible.
• Small children should be required to wear diapers in hotel swimming pools for risk of a one-day pool closure due to an “accident.”
• Stray cats find me even when I’m on vacation.

Photo highlights of our trip follow after the jump.

Our trip began with a tour of the Shaker Village, just south of Lexington, Ky. and near Harrodsburg, the first settlement of the Bluegrass state. I’ve been intrigued by the Shakers since watching a documentary on them years ago. Although popular in the U.S. during the early- to mid-1800s, the Shakers were surprisingly progressive in terms of women’s rights. Shakerism was founded by Mother Ann Lee, who claimed to be the second coming of Christ, and both men and women were treated as equals. It’s just too bad those crazy Shakers also believed in abstinence, thus cementing their community’s eventual decline. There were at least 11 communal Shaker settlements in the U.S. and the Pleasant Hill site we toured is one of the most remarkably preserved.

After spending two days there, we headed for Mammoth Cave, Ky., the world’s longest cave system with more than 360 known miles. But before reaching the caves, we made a side-trip to Perryville, where some 60,000 Union and Confederate troops duked it out in October, 1862. Nearly 8,000 men lost their lives here and the battle, also known as the “Battle for Kentucky,” proved crucial in that it ensured Kentucky would not go to the rebels. It’s also Kentucky’s largest battlefield, a tidbit we learned after tromping around for two hours in the sticky Kentucky heat.

After arriving at Mammoth Cave, we went on a two-mile, two-hour guided tour of the cave system, which was one of, if not the most, awesome works of nature I’ve ever seen. The cave is pitch-black when the lights are turned off and only dimly-lit when on and considering that our tour included about a 100 people, I wasn’t able to get any good interior shots. I was able to snap this shot of “historic graffiti” made by candle smoke before the stampede behind me caught up.

From Mammoth Cave we headed for Nashville. We’ve visited Nashville twice before in the past few years and it’s not because we’re country music lovers (we like old country, but not this new pop-country). On one of our previous trips to Music City, we accidentally discovered the world’s most perfect pizza in an appropriately named chain called Pizza Perfect. Before we gorged ourselves on pizza, we toured the Belle Meade plantation (below), once a 5,200-acre slave-holding estate, followed by a comedy show with Michael McDonald (“Stuart” from Mad TV) later that night.

We did briefly drive through downtown Nashville and spent some time at a riverside park by the Titans stadium, but most of our brief Nashville trip was actually spent in Franklin, Tenn. about a half-hour south of Nashville. There we toured the site of the Battle of Franklin, which took place four months before the South’s surrrender at Appomatox, and the nearby Carnton plantation, which was commandeered for use as a hospital. Nearly 10,000 men died at Franklin and it was said that every room and bed in the house was in use, and dead, dying or wounded men lined the front and back yard like cordwood. Blood stains can still be seen in several rooms in the house. The McGavock family, who owned Carnton, donated two acres of their land to bury nearly 1,500 Confederate soldiers in a private cemetary there. Carrie McGavock tended the cemetery for nearly 40 years until her death in 1905.

In all, the trip was a great way to celebrate our second wedding anniversary

- It always promises to be an interesting class when the prof admits she’s hung over.

- The city once known as Porkopolis is now encouraging residents to eat, well, less pork (and other meat).

- If you park on the sidewalk, Newport Police will ticket you.

- Bunnies love cherry-flavored pediatric medicine.

- RuPaul out of drag (and wearing glasses) looks a lot like Cincinnati Mayor Mark Malllory.